Make it So!

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A year or two ago, some friends on Facebook were discussing with starry-eyed optimism how easy it is to make change in our lives.

“Just choose it! That’s all it takes,” my friend said.

“That’s right!” the other one replied.

This pissed me off. That’s NOT how things work. I grumbled to myself.

The two went on and on with this discussion and frankly I wanted to vomit.

Give me a f@*$&ing break, I thought. Maybe these two freaks of nature think they can make their lives better by twitching their nose like Samantha on Bewitched, but that certainly was not me. No one has that much control over their lives.

I thought about their comments for days. Mulled over them. Steeped in them. And at the end of it I knew for sure that “thought control” wasn’t for me. I had baggage. A world of noise in my head…not to mention a diagnosis: General Anxiety Disorder. OCD. Bipolar. According to the people in my world I was clinically helpless.

I was taught that we have little to no control of who we are, where we go and where we end up. To the people in my world, life was like a bumper car ride. We may have a little freedom of movement initially, but in the end we’ll always be blocked from going anywhere.

Fast forward to today.

I’m out with a group of friends and I’m feeling my anger and sadness build. I hadn’t slept well the night before and I had some left over resentment boiling in me from the previous day. I was cranky and miserable.

Two years back in that situation I would have perpetuated it all: You are an awful person for having these feelings.I’d say. You should have stayed home.

I would have sat with my friends with my negative filter on, taking everything they said as an attack, or a sign of disapproval. I would have gone home that night and grumbled.

But this time I did something different. I decided to make change.

I excused myself from the group. Alone in the bathroom I breathed deep and I asked myself, What do you want?

I responded to my own question: I want to have a good time. I want us all to have a good time!

And in my calm state I heard the answer: Then make it so!

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I stepped from the bathroom and settled in my seat with my friends. I felt resolved not necessarily to have a super, crazy good time, but to be okay with where I was. I was no longer passive to my mood. I chose to be content.

Sure I was still tired, and yeah, the irritability was there, but I sat back and stopped trying. I stopped feeling guilty and mad at myself for the feelings that were going through my head. Instead of letting the dark and dank emotions grow, I released them. I no longer fought. The battle within me was over.

It didn’t take any magic, no nose twitching, or anything of the sort. I just redefined the picture.

I will have a good time, I told myself. And I did!   By shifting my reality, my visit with friends went from being potentially miserable to wonderful—one of the best outings I’ve had in a very long time.

I’m not saying this makes change easy—not for me anyway. Some days are bad. Some are worth grumbling over, some even require tears, but recognizing that we can take control of how we filter those experiences will ultimately affect the course of our lives!

I’m seeing that life is not like a bumper car ride, nor is it a merry-go-round…or a roller coaster. We are not passive! We are absolutely 100% active. I say ax the carnival ride metaphor all together and imagine yourself flying out over an open field. You have all the choice in the world, to go up, down, fast, slow. Yeah, it might be windy some days, but how that wind affects you is entirely up to you.

It’s your reality! Make it yours!

Wishing you peace and love,

Becky

Hey! If you like the ideas you see here you might enjoy my new book that’s coming soon! It’s called Open Souls. Take a peek. Sign up for my newsletter. www.opensoulsbook.com.

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9 comments

  1. Wow Becks, to hear you talk about your anxiety so openly takes a lot of guts. Reading what you had to say, reminded me of trying to ignore constant pain. Anxiety, fear of crowds, depression or just a general feeling of malaise, these are all feelings that are constant, and very hard to ignore. But if you accept the pain for what it is, feel it and study it, you will find out it is strongest when we are thinking about it. Perhaps over-thinking the problem IS the problem. You decided to stray from the norm. Instead of picking at the scab, you left it alone, and got on with your evening. That was a conquest you should be very proud of.

  2. Thank you so much.I look forward to your observations on these blogs. Lockie, I’m curious. I am only doing this on a very small scale…maybe I have a little headache, maybe I’m pissed at the person I’m with…changing my perceptions is tiny by comparison to what you deal with. Do these ideas I share feel absurd to you? Or do you feel like you actually have control of it. I’ve heard the argument that pain is all in our heads…I like that idea, but I think one might have to be a Buddhist monk to alleviate some of the things people face. What do you think? Be honest. I’m still just trying to understand these things.

    1. Those ideas do not seem absurd to me at all. Some days I think I have control, but it is very hard to ignore pain. The only way that pain is in our heads is because our brains allow the pain. It’s the body’s defense system, until it gets short circuited, and the nerves send mixed signals.
      You talk about perceptions, and that’s not far off I think. It was your friend who had the perception that all you had to do to change direction is just do it. While your perception, and you’re not alone in this thinking, is totally different and not only is it difficult for you to do, just thinking about it causes you a lot of stress. Both perceptions of the same goal are vastly different. Some people don’t get that. They think their way is the only way because they have never considered any other way. Every body on this rock is different, and everybody goes through their life cycle differently. your perception of my hard time has nothing to equate to your hard time because it’s apples and oranges.

  3. I really enjoyed your topic of discussion. I often am told how well i doing on this treatment. The kudos are always the feel goods and i think it’s all the meds. That it really isn’t any credit of my own effort. You helped to point it out that I have had moments where thedeep breaths, hesitation is something i am capable of.

    1. I take a fair amount of medicine as well. I don’t like the fact that I do, but it helps and is also essential to helping me on my path right now. I like to think of it this way-Just like I choose how I react to a situation, I choose to take medicine to care for myself as well. It’s all part of a bigger picture. But yes, don’t forget even if its hard, you still are the one making the call on how you create your world. Keep going! You are beautiful! You are strong!

  4. I saw a movie one time where they talked about ‘placing cards’, where if you visualized the card, it might appear – or something like that (I wish I had paid more attention). But..in this movie, they said this trick could work for other things in life – if you visualized an occurrence (really worked hard at visualizing it), it would happen. Although this may sound like a lot of hooey, this has more than often worked for me. It’s especially useful in finding parking places at the Mall, Walmart and other places that parking is difficult and annoying. But I have found it works for other things in life as well, and perhaps the fact that what I visualize does actually occur, and maybe it is all coincidental, it sure makes me feel better, being allowed to think I do have control (maybe a little) over things that happen.

    1. It’s funny you talk about cards. I’ve recently become fascinated with tarot cards. I’m a skeptical optimist on most things, and generally treat this sort of thing as wishful thinking, but there’s some things with it I can’t explain. I wonder if I pull out cards that represent what I’m working on and really focus on them if I can make change. Again, ultimately I don’t care what source is causing the change (me, the cards, the universe, etc) but the importance, like you said sparkypants (I love that name!!!) is in the fact that we feel as if we’re given a bit of control. Love your blog Sparky, looking forwarding to reading more!

      1. Thanks. I very much enjoy reading the posts on your blog too.
        Feeling in control is such an important thing. Maybe that is why we blog, gaining a little (maybe miniscule) bit of control over the information placed out there on the World Wide Web (how ’bout that for a bit of old school terminology).

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