Toxic Aspirations

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Earlier today I met with a group of business women at an event called ‘Just Drop In’. I join them once a week with the hopes of understanding what being a small business owner is all about. They’re a compassionate group, who truly finds joy in what they do.

At our meeting I confessed to them my recent failure. Weeks earlier I had declared myself the “New Becky”. I told everyone the New Becky would focus on success. She would sell lots of books and give up at no cost. She would succeed because she was so dedicated to her cause.

I pictured the New Becky as this tall, slim, focused woman with a well-tailored dress. Her hair would be smooth and pulled back. I’d command people’s respect.

I explained to my friends how I pursued this new Becky for a month and a half. I bought business attire, posted goals on my office walls, and managed everything in my business life.

It worked great for a week until I found myself drowning in tasks. I was toggling too many projects. My shoulders were knotted tight and I was emotionally absent from my family. I kept on trying, kept on pushing, but I was irritable and anxious and had lost my sense of center. I was failing, I knew.   I hated myself for being weak and lazy and not being able to handle it all.

Finally, one day I broke down and cried to my husband. I was exhausted, and frankly I hadn’t been any more productive than when the “old Becky” was in charge.

After I told this story to my business friends, they all nodded. Everyone there knew the struggle…the balance of self-care and the drive for success.

It was suggested to me that perhaps I still hadn’t found the real me. Perhaps I was trying so hard to be everyone else’s version of me, I had no idea who I was. As my friend Daniella put it, “You need to find your authentic self.”

Each of the women I spoke with had a different way off being them. Some could work eleven hour days and that was fine by them, while people, like me, needed more reflective time. The trick to all of this according to Daniella was finding my purpose.

I thought on this. I decided my purpose is to bring joy to people through my words.

I know this may sound weak and lazy to some of you, like I’m copping out, but I know I cannot bring joy to others unless I am finding joy in myself.  This may not be true for everyone, but I can’t bring love to the world unless I have the time to find it within myself.

And so, today, in front of all of you, I declare a Newer Becky. One, who yes, keeps an expense report, and keeps up to date on her marketing material, but also takes time to walk on the beach, bake a batch of cookies, feel the beauty of nature, and revel in the love of my family and friends.

This ironically is the Becky I’ve been all along. The only difference is self-doubt has caused me to question who I really am.

If you ask me, life is too good to waste it on trying to be what we are not.

Work hard, love hard, and let peace rule the way.

You can find my books at www.beckypourchot.com

How do you balance spiritual life with your drive for success? Are they the same? Let me know!!!

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One comment

  1. Celebrate! The secret to having it all is Knowing you already do! Sift through it all and only keep the nugget! You got this! 😁😁

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