enlightnement

I Am Not Me

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I’ve always been skeptical of epiphanies…you know, those shining moments when the world finally makes sense? Frankly I’m not an epiphany sort of gal…I’m more a mull and worry until something vaguely resembles a solution, but here I’ve been this past year and something has changed—radically. I’m not me. I mean I’m very much me…but not quite the me who I was raised to be. This emerging self is comfortable with who she is. She’s forgiving and loving and sees her life as not a series of failures, but a series of triumphs. Shame, my greatest enemy is just an echo. For the first time I am not in the passenger seat, but behind the wheel, making choices. In control.

So, I know if my old psychiatrist read this…or my dad for that matter (he was a psychiatrist as well) he would say “We better check your meds. You’re sounding a bit manic.”

I mean yeah, I suppose that diagnosis could fit. Tragically mania has been my go-to explanation for the times when life was going well.  Honestly, I find it hard to believe these feelings are caused by illness. This new mental state is grounded and steady…and in fact I feel healthier than I ever have before. I’m the one in control of my mood, not the other way around.

So, if it’s not a misfiring of a mentally ill brain, what is it?

Things started opening up when I picked up Neale Donald Walsch‘s Conversations with God. I won’t go into it all, but I will tell you two key tenants 1)There is no good or bad. Everything we are, everything we do is a part of “God”. 2) Everything in life is a choice. We have absolute control. Our decisions can be broken down into love or fear. Which you choose is entirely up to you.

Since then I met a woman who is a certified hypnotist. I must say I was skeptical, but when my friend with excruciating pain returned pain free I decided to give it a try.

I was scared, but somehow I also knew it was time to try.

The day after my first session with Sue, I felt strong. I was refreshed, relaxed and at ease. Now, for someone whose mind is like a grazing rabbit, always on the lookout for danger, this feeling was liberating—if not a little bit perplexing. But you know what? The feeling has stuck. I’ve since been practicing hypnotism on my own, resolving inner turmoil by visiting the dark parts of my mind and I realize I AM in control.

I see now there is no need for fear, nothing to be ashamed of because we are 100% beings of love. That’s it—just pure love and if we treat ourselves as such we can become powerful, compassionate beings without the baggage of fear and hate to weigh us down.

Now I must say, these revelations didn’t come by just picking up a book. These are ideas I’ve had with me my whole life. They are things people I love have shared with me, but it’s just now that it has clicked and ceased to be merely ideas. Now, I feel as if these concepts are embedded in my soul.

I’ll keep blogging about this wonderful journey I have found myself on. I’m expecting there to be snags along the way.  I’ll share those too.

In the meantime I’m going to keep up with the self-hypnosis and let go of the shame I was taught as a child. I am no longer afraid of my own power. I am not a helpless daughter, but a woman with the strength to do amazing things in her life. The power is in my hands, what I do with it is yet to be seen.

Have any of you out there experienced life revelations?  When is it mental illness and when is it personal growth?

Peace to you all!!

www.beckypourchot.com

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