sex

Making Love with the Universe

 

11111398 - young couple in love, with pattern and overlay effects

Back in college I had my fun. I dated a lot of guys…and yes, I will admit, slept with almost as many. I loved the pursuit, the thrill of the chase. I loved the rush of endorphins, that beautiful feeling of falling into place with some sexy, long haired musician, poet, or chem studies major. Together we’d get into this great groove and in doing so we’d both feel this wonderful rush, that illusionary high of falling in love.

Unfortunately the fun never lasted. At some point either I’d see through the guy’s theatrics, or he’d see through mine and the grand illusion would fall apart. We’d be left looking at each other thinking, “We’ll this isn’t at all what I thought it would be,” and so, we’d both go our separate ways, each seeking out the next wild ride.

I think I was more into the act of falling in love, the seeking part, than I was into the actual relationship. I loved that starry eyed, dreamy reassurance that all was right in the world when I was pursuing someone. It was during these times of “falling” that I felt best about myself, confident, at peace, all was right in the world. As our eyes locked I felt okay, because he “loved” me and I “loved” him. It was a wanting game to the nth degree, both of us in our subtle ways using each other to fulfill the illusion of wholeness in our hearts.

This is a lonely way to do things. It feels so good in the short term, but in the long term you’re left feeling empty, either angry at the other one for not being what you imagined or loathing yourself for chasing after something that was never quite real.

Now many, many years later, as a married woman to a good husband for twenty years, with three kids, love looks a lot different. It’s slower, more subtle, shared in a smile, a brief hug, or a moment at the dinner table with the kids. There’s no sparklers, no fireworks—not usually anyway.

This is both good and bad. On the upside, with marriage there’s no gnawing sense of yearning, no continual search for the non-existent Holy Grail. Marriage is a good place to rest and just be. However I think as married people we start to feel a little lost, as we look back at the “fireworks years” and wish for the excitement, that shower of adoration from another person, and that cosmic, love-struck sense of belonging. As adults we end up having to find that balance between 4th-of -July-Amazingness and that homey need for comfort and stability.

I have to say that I am a seeker by nature. Whether I’m fueled by some professional curiosity, wanting to try a new food, travel, or just ponder life’s big questions, I love to be in the thick of things, because that’s where I learn best. To some on the outside I may look like a woman who is never satisfied, not unlike the “me” from my college years, but instead I see myself as a woman hungry for understanding, determined to uncover life’s truths, and live a fully engaged in life.

So in my pursuit, this question of “what is love” has fascinated me a great deal. That one little word seems to describe SO many moments of my life—from listening to Pink Floyd with my boyfriend in his dorm room back in 1993 to watching my husband hold our son for the first time, to enjoying good conversation with friends at a local burger joint. These are all love, without a doubt.

So, here I am, seeing love in all these many forms, but I’m still faced with an eternal question that keeps coming back: Why am I not wholly satisfied? Why do I still seek love? Why at the end of the day, do I still feel this little spot of emptiness that whispers “I want more”?

Lately, as I do my daily mediation, listen to music, dance, drive in the car, I ask this question to myself, then let the answers percolate from my heart. When I do, I tell you, the answer is compelling. It comes on strong. So strong, in fact that I find it hard to ignore.

In these moments of quiet I find myself “being love”. My whole being feels like it is actually falling in love. Not with a person this time, but with everything.

It’s crazy…like that college romantic tingle I used to get looking into some guy’s eyes, only this love is not fueled by anyone on the outside. Instead, it’s fueled from me. Everything has a glow. It’s ALL love. Suddenly the songs I hear aren’t just about “getting the guy” they’re about finding love within myself, with my family, with the world! It’s ecstatic grace.

Life lately is one great trust fall, not into anyone’s arms, but into the cosmos. As I dance within this strange, beautiful truth, I see that everything I sought in college, in my marriage, maybe my entire life is right here as a pure, simple light that shines on everything.

In these moments, I am a lover, not to any one person, but to it all. I am loved (as you are!) by the vastness of everything-call it Buddha-mind, Adonai, Krishna, the Universe, Christ—whatever you wish. To me it is simply called “Love”. The thing I wanted all along.

I’m new to this path. …and yeah, it’s not perfect. In fact, that hole still feels like it’s there, just much, much smaller. Lord knows, I will fall in old patterns. I’m a pro at old patterns! But that’s the fun of it all, falling, dusting yourself off and trying again. Perfection is just a goal, not an end point.

Love is there…the trick is to not spend too much time chasing after the illusion of what you wish it could be, or trying to hold on to moments or people, because they felt right at one time … instead the secret is to just hang out and savor the really juicy stuff, the eternal stuff, in the spaces of quiet of our meditations, where we love ourselves, no matter what, and where we love others, not for who we want them to be, but who they truly are.

And so I say to you…

Make wild passionate love…with the sky…with the grand roaring sea! Do not be afraid to love this great planet and the beautiful people who grace our lives, for when you let go and truly love, everything that you love, loves you in return. There is nothing to fear out there. Nothing. Let your heart guide the way, step forward, and savor our divine connection.

Peace,

Becky

Have You Hugged Your Soul Mate Today?

soulmate

So, I was talking with a new friend of mine, Victoria. She’s a wise lady with wild, wavy blond hair in her fifties with a great deal of knowledge on a favorite subject of mine—sex. Victoria is a sex therapist, and a good one at that.

What makes Victoria so interesting is that she gets relationships implicitly. I’m sure sitting across from troubled couples for years helped in this matter.

And so the other day I asked her about a topic that has plagued me for decades: Soul mates. Yes, we’ve all seen the memes, read the books, believed the lore and I bet most of us at one point or another yearned to find our own, but I’m going to confess something to you. I don’t buy it.

Way back in the nineties I was deeply in love with a man, so much so that I was sure he was my soul mate. I devoted myself to this long haired musician who walked around campus barefoot and told jokes that made my heart sing. We were meant to be—that is until we weren’t.

My long-gone hippie soul mate now resides in New York City somewhere teaching college with perhaps his new and improved soul mate and kids of his own. This makes me happy to know.

I still wonder though. What about these lost loves? What about these soul mates who ended up just being soul-burdens? In our lifetime are we allotted only one of cupid’s arrows?

I’m married now and although I never reached that insane intensity I felt with my college beau, I connect with my husband on a very deep, soulful level.

So, here’s my question: Who in all this crazy life is my soul mate supposed to be? My wonderful grounded husband or is it that long lost college hippie dude… or maybe it’s one of the other sweethearts I have known along the way?

I posed this question to Victoria and she explained, “We have many soul mates.”

Upon hearing this I smiled, relieved. Now that made sense.

Throughout our lives, if we’re lucky, we fall in love numerous times, take new lovers, and romantically immerse ourselves in other people’s worlds.

Maybe the love we find in this life is not binary, but cumulative, each soul mate giving us something treasured that we can carry with us as we move on. Could life be a series of soul mates, each one showing us new things about ourselves? How wonderful to think we might pass through this existence intimately sharing a piece of who we are with many people.

And so I say, to hell with the old concept of a soul mate. Love finds its way into all the cracks of our existence. No need to limit your fate to one perfect person, because I promise you that perfect person will never exist. In fact, under Victoria’s paradigm, your soul mate can show up anywhere.

Your soul mate could be a current lover, but maybe it could also be a sister, your best friend, a beloved pet, or someone you loved years before. Wherever there is love, there is the potential for a soulful bond.

So, here’s my assignment for you, look around and think about the people you love. Look for those who get you implicitly, who smile when you shine.  Look for the people who can challenge you in ways no one else does and aren’t afraid of getting in close and revealing who they are. My guess is, without looking too hard, you will find that person (or people!) loving you deeply back.

I’m curious, do you feel you have found your one true soul mate? Do you have many? Or do you not believe in the concept at all. Comments are welcome below!

Peace,

Becky

www.OpenSoulsBook.com

Sex is Awesome!

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If you’ve been following my blog, you’re probably confused a bit right now. Lately I’ve been writing a lot about self-awareness, connecting with the Universe, and all this fancy esoteric stuff, so my guess is that you’re looking at this title and wondering “Sex? Really?”

So, I’m here to confess, I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately. I suppose I always do, but even more lately. To me—next to chocolate chip cookies and moonlit nights over the ocean—sex is the best thing the universe has to offer. (And hey, put chocolate chip cookies, moonlit nights together with sex and you may have found yourself the recipe for supreme ecstasy).

I believe with all my being that sex is one of the most divine acts in the universe. God (or whatever you believe in) made it fun for a reason. Sex brings us closer to who we really are and when we let it, it can take us to a place of unstoppable joy. Sex is not something to feel ashamed of, nor is it something to condone in other people. Whatever way you choose to do it, whoever with, whatever position, sex is wonderful.

And so, I came up with this idea. Why don’t we put two really great things together—two of my favorite: sex and words. Let’s put them together in a context where people can come together, celebrate, laugh, and swoon. And so I approached Inspired Mic creator, Michael Ray King and said, “Hey, let’s do an open mic event that’s all about sex.” Needless to say, he was all for it!

We found seven writers (and a dancer!) who aren’t shy to the subject. Turns out there’s a lot of writer’s out there who’ve been itching to read their erotica out loud. So, on February 14th at 6:30 pm we will converge at Change Jar Books in Flagler Beach Florida, to tell saucy, seductive tales in an event we’re calling In the Prose of Passion.

For me an event like this is much more than just a chance for people to come together and get their jollies. It’s about celebrating sex—the desire, the tension, the playfulness!

We are all beautiful, sexual beings. There’s nothing to hide. Nothing to fear. Sex is beautiful, and yeah, it’s a hell of a lot of fun.

prose of passion flier

We’ve got an amazing line up for the night…

Anna Zaires-USA today best selling author will be featuring some of her saucy sci-fi erotica.

Melanie Neale, St. Augustine’s premiere writer and author of Boat Girl: A Memoir of Youth, Love, and Fiberglass will be reading her seductive poetry.

Renny Roker– Former Hollywood actor (and the first African American to appear on Gomer Pyle!) will surprise us with some romance. You wont believe this guy’s bio.

Robin Soprano will be reading from her debut romance novel A Soul Mate’s Promise.

Michael Ray King, publisher, author, poet and MC extraordinaire, will lead the show and taunt us with his poetry.

And then of course the lovely dancer Sammy Sutra of Bada Bing Babes Burlesque out of Jacksonville will be flirting with us all.

I’ll be reading too! www.beckypourchot.com.

Be sure to join my mailing list, to get updates on my dark romantic thriller Open Souls. Coming soon! www.opensoulsbook.com