So, I was talking with a new friend of mine, Victoria. She’s a wise lady with wild, wavy blond hair in her fifties with a great deal of knowledge on a favorite subject of mine—sex. Victoria is a sex therapist, and a good one at that.
What makes Victoria so interesting is that she gets relationships implicitly. I’m sure sitting across from troubled couples for years helped in this matter.
And so the other day I asked her about a topic that has plagued me for decades: Soul mates. Yes, we’ve all seen the memes, read the books, believed the lore and I bet most of us at one point or another yearned to find our own, but I’m going to confess something to you. I don’t buy it.
Way back in the nineties I was deeply in love with a man, so much so that I was sure he was my soul mate. I devoted myself to this long haired musician who walked around campus barefoot and told jokes that made my heart sing. We were meant to be—that is until we weren’t.
My long-gone hippie soul mate now resides in New York City somewhere teaching college with perhaps his new and improved soul mate and kids of his own. This makes me happy to know.
I still wonder though. What about these lost loves? What about these soul mates who ended up just being soul-burdens? In our lifetime are we allotted only one of cupid’s arrows?
I’m married now and although I never reached that insane intensity I felt with my college beau, I connect with my husband on a very deep, soulful level.
So, here’s my question: Who in all this crazy life is my soul mate supposed to be? My wonderful grounded husband or is it that long lost college hippie dude… or maybe it’s one of the other sweethearts I have known along the way?
I posed this question to Victoria and she explained, “We have many soul mates.”
Upon hearing this I smiled, relieved. Now that made sense.
Throughout our lives, if we’re lucky, we fall in love numerous times, take new lovers, and romantically immerse ourselves in other people’s worlds.
Maybe the love we find in this life is not binary, but cumulative, each soul mate giving us something treasured that we can carry with us as we move on. Could life be a series of soul mates, each one showing us new things about ourselves? How wonderful to think we might pass through this existence intimately sharing a piece of who we are with many people.
And so I say, to hell with the old concept of a soul mate. Love finds its way into all the cracks of our existence. No need to limit your fate to one perfect person, because I promise you that perfect person will never exist. In fact, under Victoria’s paradigm, your soul mate can show up anywhere.
Your soul mate could be a current lover, but maybe it could also be a sister, your best friend, a beloved pet, or someone you loved years before. Wherever there is love, there is the potential for a soulful bond.
So, here’s my assignment for you, look around and think about the people you love. Look for those who get you implicitly, who smile when you shine. Look for the people who can challenge you in ways no one else does and aren’t afraid of getting in close and revealing who they are. My guess is, without looking too hard, you will find that person (or people!) loving you deeply back.
I’m curious, do you feel you have found your one true soul mate? Do you have many? Or do you not believe in the concept at all. Comments are welcome below!